I would like to start off by saying I am no expert on any of the topics I will write about, I’m just simply moved by the subject matter. A big part of how I started to feel peace was watching videos of people or reading articles written by people just like you and I. I figure if all of those people helped to get me here, I may as well jump on the train and be one more person regurgitating this information. I’m sure you’re eager to know what information I’m referring to, well let me tell you. It really does all begin with a thought, it’s that simple but we tend to make it so complicated. The good news is, if we can become aware of our thoughts we can work to change our negative thoughts.

The best way I can think to describe this is when our second son came home it brought up a lot of emotions from my past. I got stuck in a negative thought loop, just telling myself the same negative things over and over again I could not see past it. I knew I didn’t want to feel that way anymore so I dug in and started watching and reading anything I could find on the subject. Through all this digging I landed on eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy or EMDR and Dr. Joe Dispenza. I won’t name my EMDR therapist at this time as she is not a public figure. The EMDR helped immensely, I don’t have enough positive things to say about it. My therapist is incredible and I am so thankful to have found her. It took roughly 5 months for me and I noticed a massive shift in how I thought about the trauma. I still had a very negative way of thinking about myself and life around me. I couldn’t stand my thoughts anymore, enter Dr. Joe Dispenza. Let me tell you, the combination of the two has been nothing short of peace. I don’t want to act like I have it all figured out because I certainly don’t but what I do know is the feeling of peace in a very strange time.

Let me ask you something, do you look at yourself in the mirror? I want you to look at yourself in the mirror every morning and before bed and say something positive about yourself, tell the person you see looking back at you that you love them. I wasn’t prepared for how difficult this would be and I was genuinely shocked to find out I didn’t believe me. I never would have thought of myself as someone with low self esteem. I started noticing how I was talking to myself. Have you ever paid attention to the way you speak to yourself, under your breath, when you inevitably mess something up because, you know, were human and all. More and more I began to notice the shitty things I was saying to myself about myself. I learned that voice isn’t me, of course it sounds like me and even feels like me but it wasn’t the real me. I knew she had to be in there otherwise why was I on this mission to find answers if I didn’t think there was hope? On some level even in my deepest victim state this was a tiny little thought in the back of my mind, just one little thought once upon a time.

What I’m saying is you have everything you need within you right now as you’re reading these words. I believe I would have achieved this without EMDR because I believe in me, what I didn’t have was time. I had a brand new 9 month old who was counting on me in so many ways. I owed it to him and I so sort my shit out in the most effective way possible so as not to disrupt anymore of his sweet young life. I had a family who was looking to me and I knew I had nothing to give, right now…but I would. That little tiny thought that I would was all I needed, I held on to it like a lifeline because it was. You just have to have some faith and belief in yourself. I had to believe me, for my marriage, for my children, shit for me. I had to believe me, I had to make sure I was filling my cup with things I loved. I encourage you to spend some time and think about things that bring you joy, nature, music, dancing whatever it is incorporate one everyday ask and demand at the same time that you have it.

One last thing, Dr. Joe Dispenza is an incredible human. If you haven’t heard of him, until next time all I’ll say is meditation, meditation, mediation!

To be continued…