So, it’s been a minute. I can say with complete honesty I have not been in a head space to write although I have had a lot on the brain to write about. Feeling inadequate is apparently not good inspiration for writing, who knew? This is me getting myself out of the dreaded constantly working on myself phase. Yes we all need a little work from time to time but man I definitely forgot to embrace the fruits of my labour. If you’re not careful, focusing on the ‘work’ can quite literally become its own psychosis.

I have pulled my computer out so many times to write and just couldn’t, admittedly I was back in fear. The longer I didn’t write the more pressure I put on myself to do so. I was thinking that if I didn’t get right back on I may never, then I remembered everything I had learned about grace and kindness towards myself and to listen when I need REST. I knew I needed to trust in myself that if it was right then I would do it, if I was aligned with it then it would happen so obviously I was not in alignment. I swear just the realization of this shifted my mindset entirely and melted the fear. I was definitely riding on a lower frequency there for a bit.

I sort of stopped doing some of the self care like epsoms salts baths, meditation, journaling etc. I got a little too focused on the future instead of being present in the moment. Once I incorporated these things back in I noticed less anxiety and self doubt. I’m back to experiencing joy and I’m able to focus and be present with my family. The last thing to come was the writing and it was a fluke how it happened. I have my email set so that any new updates or comments or likes should come to my inbox with an alert but they haven’t been.

My husband took the boys outside and I had a bit of time to myself in the house. I was planning on going out to the porch and doom scrolling yet again however I remembered a pop up that caught my eye earlier on my computer and in that moment I wanted to check it out. I really really wanted to go and doom scroll but the urge to check my computer was incredibly strong. So I open my computer I go to the notification section and I find the pop up I wanted. Then I see the notification above it stated congratulations on ‘Finding Me’ getting noticed or something to that effect. I was curious so I clicked on it and it showed that I had two new likes that day. Now I absolutely without a doubt didn’t start this blog thinking it would become something. I started it for me and for anyone who could benefit from it, ultimately for me though. I can say that seeing those two likes gave me the push to start writing again. My hope is to get to a place where my ego doesn’t require two likes to write, for now though, I’ll take it. So to the likes that came today, I sincerely thank you, you helped another human more than you know.

I guess what strikes me about this is how it all unfolded. I never would have written tonight if I didn’t get a jolt from a memory about wanting to check that pop-up. What made me want to check that pop-up? I think I had a little help in that department. The joy I feel in this moment knowing that I did it, that I’m aligned with it, is powerful. I’m so thankful for the little things that happened today to have this unfold, it’s like a puzzle that fits perfectly together.

The take home here is…you don’t need two likes, just do the damn thing. Whatever your passion is go for it. If you feel fear that’s an invitation to explore not a reason to shy away. Be bold and be kind.

To be continued…hopefully sooner rather than later!